Managing Your Emotional Bank Account

As we approach the end of 2023, I hope this message finds you well, blessed, and ready to be a blessing to others. The holiday season, with its festivities and celebrations, often puts a strain on our financial bank accounts. From parties and presents to vacations, the expenses can add up, leaving many starting the new year with financial challenges.

However, there’s another account that we need to pay attention to – our emotional bank account. Similar to a financial account, we make deposits and withdrawals in our emotional bank account through our words and actions. Making someone feel accepted, appreciated, and important contributes to a positive balance, while disappointment, hurt, and selfishness lead to withdrawals.

At the end of the year, we are often tired and prone to forget how important people and relationships are. Here are some strategies to ensure that your emotional bank account remains in the green. This five-point strategy is grounded in the principles of the neuroscientific SCARF-model (Status, Certianty, Autonomy, Relationg, Fairness) which is a helpful guide for fostering healthy minds and hearts:

1. Status: Make the Person Feel Important. Express appreciation, show genuine interest, and acknowledge the value others bring into your life. Simple acts of kindness and acknowledgment can go a long way in making someone feel important and valued.

2. Certainty: Provide Certainty and Set Boundaries. Clear communication, setting expectations, and establishing boundaries create a sense of security. Avoid overpromising, be reliable, and ensure that others know what to expect from you. This clarity helps build trust and stability.

3. Autonomy: Respect Individuality and Grant Space. Allow others the freedom to be themselves. Respect their decisions, trust them to make the right choices, and support their individuality. Giving space fosters a healthy and trusting relationship and emotional safety.

4. Relating: Cultivate a Strong Relational Connection. Show love and care openly. Small gestures and attention to detail can strengthen your connection with others. Understand and speak their love language, demonstrating that you value and appreciate them.

5. Fairness: Ensure Fair Give and Take. Maintain fairness in your relationships. Apologise when necessary, acknowledge mistakes, and ensure that the relationship is a balanced exchange. A fair give-and-take ensures mutual respect and understanding. And perhaps you can go the extra mile and give more than what is fair and deserved. Everyone around you needs lots of goodness and undeserved grace and forgiveness.

Remember, just like financial accounts, emotional bank accounts require regular monitoring. Be conscious of your actions and their impact on others. If a withdrawal is necessary, be proactive in making deposits to restore the balance.

As we bid farewell to 2023, let’s prioritize building positive emotional connections with our colleagues, family, and friends. May your emotional bank accounts be overflowing with goodwill, praises, thanksgiving, understanding, and love.

Wishing you a joyous end to the year and a fulfilling start to the new one. May the “Christ” of Christmas be real to you and your loved ones, and may you be good to each other!