A practical reflection tool for coaching, self-discovery and growth

Before a coaching journey can really gain momentum, it helps to step back and reconnect with something deeper:

Who am I really at my best?

Many people define themselves by pressure, roles, expectations, disappointments, or what is currently not working. But often we learn far more about our true design by looking at the moments where we felt most alive, effective, energised and fulfilled.

This reflection process is designed to help you do exactly that.

It can help you:

• reconnect with your natural strengths
• notice the patterns in what gives you life
• clarify what you uniquely bring
• identify the values that drive you
• see what may be getting in the way
• take your next steps with greater intention

It also helps you reframe the way you see yourself – and that can be both exciting and empowering.

How to use this tool

Set aside about 45/60 minutes in a quiet place.

A few simple suggestions:

• Reflect honestly rather than trying to impress.
• Be specific. Specific examples reveal more than vague descriptions.
• Write in your own words.
• Don’t rush.
• There are no right answers.

If you are doing this as preparation for coaching, bring your notes or a summary of them to your first session.

A key principle

We often learn most about ourselves by looking at our best moments – the times we felt fully alive, effective, energised and fulfilled.

Not your failures.
Not your weakest moments.
But your strongest moments and most meaningful successes.

Those moments often reveal something important about your design.

1. Identify your best moments – your sweet spots

Think back over your life and work.

Identify three to five situations where you were genuinely successful and felt energised, fulfilled, satisfied or deeply alive.

These do not need to be dramatic achievements. They may be moments where you:

• solved an important problem
• led people well
• created something valuable
• helped someone grow
• brought clarity into confusion
• contributed healing, courage or breakthrough

A few examples

• A leader says: “I facilitated a difficult conversation between two managers and by the end they were talking with respect again.“
• A business owner says: “I designed a new process that reduced confusion and helped the team work with more confidence.“
• A coach says: “I helped a client move from fear and avoidance to a difficult but honest conversation that changed the relationship.“

Reflect on each moment

For each example, ask:

• What happened?
• What was my role?
• What made this meaningful to me?
• What about it gave me energy?

You do not need perfect wording. Just capture the essence.

2. Look for the pattern

Now step back and look across the examples.

Ask yourself:

• What do these moments have in common?
• What do they reveal about the way I am wired?
• What kind of contribution do I naturally make?

Complete the sentence:

“I am someone who…“

A few examples:

• I am someone who brings calm and clarity when people are under pressure.
• I am someone who helps leaders grow in their leadership confidence, influence and impact on people.
• I am someone who creates trust so that honest conversations can happen.
• I am someone who turns complexity into practical direction and movement.
• I am someone who sees potential in people and helps unlock it.

Now write your own.

Try to be as specific as possible.

Not:

• I help people grow.

But rather:

• I help people grow in their leadership confidence and impact.
• I help people move from confusion to clarity.
• I help leaders find courage to face difficult realities honestly.

The more specific you are, the more useful and powerful this becomes.

3. Turn the pattern into identity language

Read your “I am someone who…” statements again.

Which one or two feel most deeply true?

Now rephrase them as identity statements.

For example

Instead of:

• I am someone who helps people grow.

Try:

• I believe I am someone who helps people grow in their leadership and impact.

Instead of:

• I am someone who solves problems.

Try:

• I believe I am someone who brings perspective, structure and hope when others feel stuck.

This matters because it moves you from isolated successes to a clearer sense of who you really are.

4. Turn identity into commitment

Now translate identity into direction.

If this is really true about you, how do you want to live it more intentionally?

Complete these sentences:

• Because this is who I am, I will…
• I commit myself to…

This step helps move insight into action.

5. Notice the emotion and energy

When people reconnect with something true about their design, they often feel:

• more alive
• more hopeful
• more settled
• more motivated

Pause and ask:

• When I see this more clearly, how do I feel?
• What does this make me want to do?

This is important.
Often your emotions tell you that you are getting close to something true.

6. Clarify your core values

Now look again at everything you have written.

Ask:

• What values seem to sit underneath all of this?
• What really matters to me?
• What makes life and work feel meaningful and worthwhile?

Some examples:

• growth
• courage
• service
• excellence
• truth
• faith
• creativity
• justice
• wisdom
• impact
• connection
• stewardship
• healing
• freedom
• leadership
• contribution

List the values that feel most alive in your reflections.

Then ask:

• Which five stand out most strongly?
• Why do these matter so much to me?

7. Name what may be getting in the way

Sometimes clarity deepens when we also notice what may be limiting us.

Ask yourself:

• What patterns, fears, roles, beliefs or pressures may be getting in the way?
• What no longer fits who I am becoming?

This is not about self-judgement.
It is about honesty.

You may notice things like:

• fear of disappointing others
• staying in roles that drain you
• trying to prove yourself
• old beliefs about worth and success
• difficulty saying no
• pressure to keep living according to someone else’s formula

8. Identify your next steps

Finally, ask:

If this reflection is true, what needs to change now?

What are two or three practical steps you can take to live more in line with your design?

Examples

• Have the conversation you have been avoiding.
• Say no to a role that drains you and yes to work that fits your design.
• Create time every week for the work that brings you most alive.
• Lean more intentionally into a strength you have been underusing.

Do not overcomplicate this.
Clarity becomes powerful when it becomes practical.

Bring this into coaching

If you are using this as preparation for coaching, bring your reflections to your first session.

In that session we can explore:

• what stood out most to you
• what patterns are emerging
• what may be most true about your design
• what may be holding you back
• and what your next steps might be

A final thought

The clues to who you really are are often already present in your life:

• in your best moments
• in your deepest energy
• in your natural contribution
• and in the things that matter most to you

This reflection tool is simply a way of helping you notice them more clearly.