Recently, in a coaching session, a successful, young man told me he does not want to live anymore, because “life sucks”. “Anyway”, he said, “what is there to live for?”

I am not going to answer that question for you today. I agree it is quite a complex issue, especially when life gets tough. Rather, let’s take another angle. Just go with me, and perhaps you will discover something that can radically impact your life and set you free as this process has done for many other lives.

If you could meet your older, wiser self today, what do you think he/she would say to you?

Imagine yourself in your eighties. You are still reasonably healthy, strong and clear-minded, living in a beautiful, peaceful place. You have lived a full and meaningful life.

Your older self welcomes you and takes you into a gallery filled with photographs from your life. Together, you slowly walk past the people, places and moments that shaped your journey.

Which photographs would your older self pause at?

What stories would you tell each other?

And if you asked, “What is really important in my life right now?” what would your older, wiser self say?

While I was preparing to take a group of senior leaders through this exercise, it has become deeply personal for me. As I am writing this, my dad is nearing the end of his earthly journey. He is in and out of consciousness now. Over the past while, we have had some deep conversations about his life – what he valued, what he enjoyed, what caused him pain, what he would perhaps have done differently.

Listening to him has made me listen more carefully to my own life.

We can, of course, learn something from the younger person we once were. When we reconnect with that child, we may rediscover our innocence, our sense of wonder and something of the beauty with which we were created.

But we can also learn from the person we are still becoming.

In Positive Intelligence, this is called the Sage power of Navigate. We step away from the noise and pressure of the present and look at our lives through the eyes of our older, wiser self.

In my own reflection, I pictured myself in my eighties, walking through the gallery of my life. I saw photographs of my marriage and family, the people I have served, my work, my faith, mountain-bike journeys, moments of laughter and the simple joy of being alive.

Interesting, my older self did not speak much about achievements, status or all the things that can feel so urgent today.

He reminded me to live now. For example, he encouraged me…

• To enjoy God and receive His love and grace.
• To enjoy my marriage and my family – to receive their love and give mine freely.
• To be a blessing to others and allow love, life and growth to flow through me.
• To enjoy my work and keep helping people and businesses unlock their potential, without allowing work to become my whole life.
• To care wisely for my health and finances, while still making room for fun, adventure trips and a few long mountain-bike journeys.

Your older, wiser self may say something quite different to you. What will it be?

Perhaps he/she would encourage you to have a conversation you have been postponing. To worry less. To forgive someone. To begin something. To make more time for the people you love. Or simply to slow down and be more present in the life you already have.

Stephen Covey asked us to imagine what the people closest to us might one day say at our funeral. It is a sobering question, but it is not meant to make us morbid. It helps us become clearer about how we want to live now while we still have the opportunity.

So maybe you could find a few quiet minutes and visit your older, wiser self.

Life, purpose and meaning… these important ingredients of true life are not waiting somewhere in the future. It is happening now – in today’s conversations, choices, relationships and ordinary moments.

Perhaps your older, wiser self is already waiting to remind you of that…? And perhaps you will learn to find and value what is really important. Then, you will be fully alive to live!

Lastly, a colleague recently said: perhaps we should not try to find meaning in life, but rather give meaning to our lives? May your life be truly meaningful and worth living.

Some time ago, I coached a brilliant senior leader who was running an increasingly complex business. The operational wheels seemed to be turning faster and faster, and he felt as if he were on a treadmill that kept speeding up. He was struggling to keep pace, but he also felt that he could not afford to slow down. What needs to get done, needs to get done. Today! You know the feeling?

As the operational pressure increased, he became tired. Fatigue began to affect his judgement, and he started making mistakes in both strategic and operational decisions. There was no time for coaching or deep discussions anymore. He got emotionally triggered really fast. Relationships with his fellow-leaders, staff and family suffered, and he became increasingly isolated. Eventually, the business found itself on a very dangerous trajectory.

I wish I could tell you that the story ended well. Sadly, it did not.

But it did not have to end that way. There is a better way, also for you and me.

Stephen Covey’s seventh habit in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is Sharpen the Saw. It is based on the simple picture of a woodcutter who works harder and harder to cut down trees, even though his axe has become blunt. When someone suggests that he stop for a while to sharpen it, he replies that he is far too busy cutting wood to stop.

It sounds foolish when we hear it as a story. Yet it is surprisingly easy to live that way.

For a leader, the most important tool you have to sharpen is yourself.

This includes paying attention to how you are doing emotionally, recognising and celebrating what is going well, facing difficult realities honestly and creating space to talk about the pressures you are carrying. It also means stepping back far enough to gain perspective, look at the situation through fresh lenses and make decisions from a clearer and wiser place.

Unfortunately, this does not happen automatically. It seldom happens while we are running from one meeting, problem or deadline to the next. And it does not always happen when we sit alone and try to think harder.

We need other people. The right people. Finish en klaar.

A trusted colleague, friend, mentor or executive coach can help us hear ourselves think. They can listen with different ears, look with different eyes and ask questions we may no longer be asking ourselves. They do not need to have all the answers. Sometimes their greatest contribution is helping us slow down, see more clearly and rediscover the answers and possibilities that have become hidden by pressure.

Another possibility is to become part of a small, confidential forum of leaders who support and challenge one another. Such a group can create space for leaders to celebrate their wins, speak honestly about their challenges, share lessons and perspectives, and help one another make better decisions. In a sense, they can become a trusted personal board of directors—not to run one another’s businesses, but to help each other think more clearly and lead more wisely.

I am currently exploring the possibility of facilitating such a forum for a small group of experienced senior leaders from different organisations. If this interests you, please contact me directly. I would value hearing what you would find most useful in such a forum. Again, please send me a direct message.

However, even if a forum like this is not for you, please make sure that you do not walk the road alone. Life and leadership were never intended to be solo flights. As the familiar saying goes:

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

There is still an important part of 2026 ahead of us. Many leaders and teams will soon enter strategic sessions, finalise budgets and make decisions that will shape 2027. Before you simply work harder or run faster, perhaps it is time to pause, sharpen the saw and gain some altitude. And perhaps get the right people to help you.

The perspective you have will influence the road you choose—and the road you choose will, to a great extent, determine the destination at which you arrive.

You may know the feeling.

Something goes wrong. You are late. Your body tightens. Your breathing becomes shallow. Before you have even worked out what to do, your mind starts racing ahead:

What will people think?
How badly have I messed this up?
What if this costs me an important opportunity?

A while ago, I arrived for an important training session with a new client – only to discover that I was at the wrong office.

The correct venue was about 35 kilometres away. (Eish!)

For a moment, my nervous system did exactly what nervous systems do when they sense danger. My muscles tensed, my breathing shortened, and my mind started constructing the worst possible outcome.

I may lose this contract.
They will think I am unreliable or unprofessional.
How will I explain this?

Perhaps you recognise that moment – not necessarily from arriving at the wrong place, but from an unexpected email, a difficult conversation, a mistake, criticism, conflict or news you were not prepared to receive.

The situation happens once. Then our minds make it happen another twenty times.

Usually, I might have spent the entire drive analysing, rehearsing conversations and criticising myself. But on this occasion, I chose a different response.

I recognised what was happening inside me.

I named the fear, the tension and the story my mind was telling me. There is wisdom in the familiar phrases:

If you can see it, you do not have to be it.
If you can name it, you can tame it.

I could see that my system had moved into survival mode – but I did not have to let that state determine how I arrived.

So, I began to regulate my body.

I breathed slowly. I changed my posture. I relaxed my shoulders. I brought myself back into the car, into the road and into the present moment.

I gently rubbed two fingertips together and focused on the sensation. Then I pressed my palms and fingers together, noticing the warmth, pressure and texture. These simple physical practices interrupted the anxious thought cycle and helped my attention return to what was actually happening now.

I reminded myself:

This is difficult, but I can handle it.
This is not what I planned, but I am okay.

I breathed into that sense of okayness.

Gradually, the tension released. The breathlessness settled. I even began to laugh at the situation.

By the time I arrived, I was no longer frantic, defensive or trapped in self-criticism. I was calm enough to connect and be fully present.

I apologised, explained the misunderstanding and began the session. Eventually, I used the entire incident as part of the training – a real-life example of what happens when pressure activates us and how we can choose to reset before we respond.

The session went extremely well. Afterwards, the managing director send me a whatsapp voice note to thank me, not only for the training, but also for the way the delay had become part of the lesson.

The mistake had not destroyed the opportunity. The mess became part of the message…

The setback had become part of the value.

The solution may not be another thought

When we feel distressed, many of us instinctively try to solve the problem by thinking harder.

We analyse, replay, predict, explain and rehearse. But often the more we think, the more activated we become.

This is because distress is not held only in the mind. It is also carried in the body and nervous system. You usually cannot think yourself out of negative feelings.

When we feel threatened, our system prepares us to fight, flee or shut down. This response is not a personal failure. It is part of our built-in protection. But when we remain there unnecessarily, it becomes difficult to think clearly, connect warmly or act wisely.

Sometimes the first step is therefore not to find a better argument.

It is to help your body to reset to feel safe enough to become present again.

You could:

• take three slower breaths
• relax your jaw and shoulders
• gently rub two fingers together
• press your palms together and notice the sensation
• feel your feet on the floor
• look around and name what you can see and hear

These practices are small, but they send an important message to the nervous system:

I am here. I am present. I have choices.

What story are you carrying today?

Perhaps something has activated you recently.

Maybe you are replaying a conversation, worrying about a decision, anticipating rejection or carrying an old fear into a new situation.

Before trying to solve everything in your head, pause and ask:

What is happening inside me?
What story am I telling myself?
Where do I feel this in my body?
What would help me become calmer and more grounded?
How would the best version of me respond from here?

The aim is not to suppress your emotions or pretend that everything is fine.

It is to help your nervous system settle enough for your wisdom, compassion, creativity and courage to become available again.

You may not be able to change what has happened.

But you can learn to recognise, regulate and reset – so that fear from the future or pain from the past does not take control of the present.

Perhaps today you do not need to think harder.

Perhaps you need to pause, breathe and come home to this moment.

In other words, you can move from force to flow. From Surviving to Thriving. Please see my tool on this: https://ways2grow.co.za/grow-tools/from-surviving-to-thriving/

From there, from flow mode, you may discover that you can handle far more than your anxious mind initially told you.

Recently, a great contract I had already negotiated, agreed on, and started to deliver suddenly fell away. The client had misunderstood the fee structure, and the rest of the process was cancelled.

It was disappointing to say the least. Not catastrophic. But enough to unsettle me for a while.

Perhaps you know that feeling too.

Not necessarily because a contract falls through. But because something you had counted on suddenly changes. You plan an event, and then you fall ill. You want to go away, and the weather turns everything upside down. You arrange a get-together, and people withdraw — sometimes for understandable reasons, sometimes less so. Or the setback comes in work, in finances, in health, in marriage, in family life, or in some other place where you had hoped things would go better.

Life has a way of doing that.

And when it does, it can leave us asking, What now?

Maybe we are not stuck — just overwhelmed

What I am realising again is that we are often not truly stuck.

We are overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed by trying to understand everything at once. Overwhelmed by trying to fix too much too quickly. Overwhelmed by the uncertainty that comes when the path ahead no longer looks as neat or predictable as we had hoped.

And in that state, it is easy to lose perspective. We start to feel trapped, while in reality we may simply be unsettled, disappointed, or temporarily disoriented.

That is a very normal human experience. And it can be dangerous if not processed well.

A quieter and wiser response

What helps in moments like this is not always a quick answer. Often it is something quieter.

I find it helps to come back to a few grounding questions:

What is still true – true about myself and my circumstances?
What is still positive and certain?

What opportunity or gift does this bring?

What is still mine to do?

Those questions do not solve everything. But they often help us recover our footing.

They bring us back from the noise of “everything” to the wisdom of the next right step.

This is where coaching can help

This is also where coaching can be so valuable.

Not because a coach magically fixes your life or gives you all the answers, but because a good coaching conversation can help you slow down, see more clearly, untangle what is going on, and find your next step again.

Sometimes that is all we need: not a five-year plan, but enough clarity to move well from here.

A practical tool: 3R2Reset

That is also why I want to point you again to a simple tool on the Ways2Grow site: 3R2Reset.

It is there for exactly these moments — when your inner world feels noisy, when disappointment or uncertainty starts pulling you off centre, and when you need to regain clarity before reacting.

It helps you to:

• Recognise what is happening in you – just name it.
• Reset your inner state, change your narrative and your energy.
• and then Respond more wisely – just one step at a time.

Sometimes that small inner shift changes much more than we expect. (Again, you can learn more about this tool elswhere on my blogsite.)

One final thought

When plans unravel, it does not always mean everything is falling apart.

Sometimes it simply means life is asking us to slow down, listen again, and take the next wise step.

So if something in your world has recently shifted, disappointed, stalled, or fallen through, take heart.

You may not be stuck.

You may simply be in a moment that calls for a steadier response.

And often, one next step is enough…