Just imagine how your life can be if you can be the best version of yourself – not some of the time, but most of the time. The good news is: it is 100% possible to change your personality and turn your life around right now!
Martin, a handsome and talented young professional, shocked me when he said: “I hate my life. I feel stuck with me. I feel disappointed in who I am. Please help me to change.” Things have not worked out well for him. The more he feared rejection and failure, the more he experienced what he feared. He tried to protect himself, but somehow the way he behaved got him what he feared. He messed up good relationships and a few great opportunities. And he blamed the world for that. He was withdrawing, not looking after himself, and had a few very bad habits trying to cope. That included self-pity, anger outbursts and blaming.
Eight months later he was a very different person. He was in a great relationship, busy upgrading his professional skills, rewired his thinking about himself and life, and has so much more joy, happiness and energy in his life. This is his “new normal” now, although he says it often “feels abnormal” – almost as if he is an imposter. The old familiar identity regularly tries to return but he has learned skills to counter that and stays very intentional about it. He really looks differently, lives in a different appartment, even dresses and speaks differently. I don’t often see a life turning around like this so radically, but I know it is possible – also for you. Your new personality will create a NEW REALITY! It starts with a choice…followed by action.
This is what I observed (with this young man, but also in general): our stinking thinking leads to stinking decisions, and that leads to stinking behaviour which gets us stinking results. When we see and experience the results we feel emotions like sadness, hurt, and anger etc.. And that reinforces our thinking of “I am not good enough; I am a loser; life stinks”, which leads to even worse behaviour. And the cycle repeats itself over and over. Thinking > Behaviour > Results > Feelings > Thinking…
The question is: what unhelpful cycles do you and I have? Maybe the cycles led to bad habits, dysfunctional relationships, or negative behaviour and emotions. But: can we really change? No, if we continue think, act and feel the same way. Yes, if we STOP the cycle and reinvent ourselves (our thinking and feelings).
Neuro scientists estimate that your brain processes 70 to 80 000 thoughts every day using 100 billion neurons that connect at more than 500 trillion points through synapses that travel 500 kms/hour. The signals travel through these interconnected neurons form the basis of memories, thoughts and feelings.
Furthermore, you normally have 95% the same thoughts you had yesterday. In other words, 95% of who you are is a set of automatic subconscious patterns that repeat themselves. You make the same decisions, repeat the same behaviour, have the same results and feelings, and that reinforces your way of thinking. And so your life is programmed to stay the same.
Having these insights can help you to change this. STOP! Then, DECIDE what life you want to have. Take time daily for regular re-setting (inner work) to re-wire your thinking so that your brain can “re-fire”, secreting more helpful chemicals and creating new neural pathways. Consequently, take MASSIVE ACTION towards the new you and the new future you envision. And slowly but certainly your life will change, and you will see new results. Keep going!
My brother in law has a saying in Afrikaans about living from the inside out: “’n mens se lewe is lekker, maar dan moet jy ‘n lekker mens wees”. (Human life can be great, but then you have to be a great human.) New Personality – New Reality. Let’s not leave this to chance, but make the choice!
